We Hold onto Hope or We Fall
by Sugarbubbleslove
Summary: Maddy is just tired, so tired…and she needs to get away before she suffocates. Someone is there to lend an ear. Set between Bylaw & Nightfall. Brief spoilers for both. Part of 'Comfort' Series
1. Chapter 1: Tired

Title: We Hold Onto Hope or We Fall

Characters: Maddy, Alicia, Jim, Mark, Elisabeth, Josh, Zoe, Taylor with Maddy/Mark

Rating: Teen

Disclaimers: I do not own anyone/anything from the forum Terra Nova. Fox owns Terra Nova and its characters. There is no copyright infringement intended. I do not make any profit/money or take any credit.

Summary: Maddy is just tired, so tired…and she needs to get away before she suffocates. Someone is there to lend an ear.

Timeline: In between Bylaw and Nightfall. Brief spoilers for both Bylaw & Nightfall (not too much for last one)

A/N: November Prompt - Crystalkei – who wanted angst. It was originally going to go off in a different direction but then this idea came and I felt it worked out better.

Warning: ANGST! This is a lot more angsty than 'Hold Me' so I'm hoping this will keep Crystalkei happy.

This is part of my 'Comfort' Series (The reason why they're not under one title).

Chapter 1: Tired

Maddy Shannon sighed from where she sitting on the edge of the cliff, overlooking the ocean before her. Her legs was pulled up to her chest, her arms wrapped around them as she rested her chin on her right knee, tears continuing to trickle down her cheeks.

She didn't think her heart could take much more of this. She was just tired, so tired. Terra Nova was supposed to be a fresh start but it felt like everything they were supposed to leave in the future had made its way through the fracture, following them.

She tilted her head back, allowing the rain to hide her tears, just allowing the clean rain to try and cleanse her. She knew it wouldn't help but it didn't hurt to try, to pretend that the rain could wash everything away and give her something new to look forward to.

She dropped her head back down, brown eyes looking at the Pteranodon flying above the ocean. They would occasionally call to each other before they darted back into the forest, leaving her alone.

She brought her head down, resting her forehead on her knees, biting her bottom lip as she tried to control her sobs. She had cried too much but it felt as if there was a never-ending wave inside of her, just waiting to break through.

"Maddy," she heard a familiar voice break into her thoughts and she lifted her, turning to face the person. As she did, she thought back to how she got to this situation in the first place.

~_T_~

There was a knock at the door, startling the three members of the Shannon family. Josh frowned as he looked at the clock to see it was close to 6pm before he got up from his place on the couch.

Maddy and Zoe slowly followed him as he opened the door. Maddy recognised the soldier instantly, as he had been the one who had originally been arranged to look after them during the attack of Malcolmus Pterosauri, until Mark had switched the duty with him, saying there had been a mix-up.

"…Jenkins, right?" Josh asked, unsurely. Jenkins nodded.

"Yes, I am here to inform you that your parents are currently stuck in Outpost 4 at the moment. There is a situation and they are unable to leave," he told them. Josh's hand tightened on the handle as Maddy felt Zoe's hands clung to the bottom of her dress.

"When you say situation…" Josh started, his voice low and Jenkins sighed.

"They are in danger. Commander Taylor is taking some of the men with him to get your parents back, your father assures us that he and your mother are alright," Jenkins told them.

"What about the others?" Maddy spoke up and Josh turned around, startled while Jenkins looked at her. "I know my parents didn't go out there alone," she looked at Jenkins with a knowing look and he nodded.

"Some of them are badly hurt," he admitted before his radio squawked. "I have to go. Someone will be along to update you on your family." He took a step back to answer the radio before walking off quickly.

Josh sighed as he closed the door, resting his forehead against the cool metal.

"Will mommy and daddy be alright?" Zoe spoke up from beside her sister. Maddy gave her a smile as she knelt down, her hands on Zoe's shoulders.

"Mommy and daddy will be just fine," she assured her. Zoe eyed her critically for a moment then nodded; walking over to the table she could finish colouring.

"Yeah, they'll be fine," Josh muttered and Maddy turned around to glare at her brother.

"Josh, I'm trying to stop her from being scared," she hissed at her brother and he looked at her with an incredulous look.

"Maddy, our parents are in danger, again," he pointed out and Maddy scoffed, crossing her arms as she felt her grip on her temper slowly loosening. It didn't help that she feared for her parents and Josh's attitude wasn't helping.

"You were in danger once and our parents had to go out and save you and your friends," Maddy informed her brother in a scathing tone. Josh's eyes widen at her tone. "It's their jobs. We may not like it but they were bound to be in danger at one point or another. It's not their fault."

Josh stepped forward when he heard her voice break as she tried to hold on to her tears.

"Maddy," he held out a hand but Maddy brushed it off.

"I'm fine. We just need to stay calm for Zoe," she told him. Josh stared at her for a moment longer then he nodded, looking over at the youngest member and giving her a bright smile. Zoe just watched the two of them with dark eyes then gave Josh a smile.

Maddy watched as Josh moved over to Zoe's side, kneeling down so he could help her with the colouring in. She bit her bottom lip, trying to stop the tears from escaping. She was beginning to feel like she suffocating and she wasn't sure if she would be able to keep herself calm.

She longed to go into the bedroom, to pull the covers over her head and cry like everything inside of her screamed to do but she couldn't. She needed to stay calm for Zoe and she needed to keep up the pretence that everything was going to be just fine, that their parents were going to come home to them in one piece.

But each time, it was getting harder to keep up the façade and she wasn't sure how much strength she had left to lie to everyone. She had to remind herself that it was for Zoe; Zoe is what matters but sometimes, that little voice slips up and tells her she needs to scream before she breaks.

She's never like to think herself as fragile, not after everything but she doesn't think she is unbreakable tonight. They had only buried a soldier, a friend of Mark, not that long ago after losing him to murder. She didn't think she could take if they had lost anyone else, that they had to bury someone else so soon

Frustration building up inside of her, she decides to pace, needing to move, anything to stop her mind from overthinking but if anything, it made everything worse. She could hear the clicks of the pens as they were pressed against the papers, the scribbles as they coloured in.

She could feel her heart thumping in her chest, her lungs clenching to the point she thinks she might pass out from the lack of air she must be getting. Her hands goes to her hair, running through the dark strands and she can feel them shaking.

She nibbles her lower lip, twisting her fingers together to stop her hands from shaking, her breaths start to come out a little jerky and she knows she is slowly losing it. If she doesn't get news that her parents are alive and well soon or if she doesn't get out of her brother and sister's hearings, she was going to scream and cry.

The urge to grab something and just throw it was overwhelming that she was beginning to scare herself. She cannot show violence, she was not a violent person by nature so the temptation was deeply unsettling.

She took in a deep breath, closing her eyes as she willed herself to calm down. She spared a look over at her siblings to see Zoe was looking at her with concern. Maddy forces herself to give Zoe a small reassuring smile. Zoe seemed to believe it, turning back to her drawing.

Maddy felt the smile fade from her face despite trying her hardest to keep it up. It was her job to stay positive, to stay hopeful and upbeat, and to be the one that everyone turned to when they needed to be assured that everything was going to be alright.

That Maddy was slowly slipping away, like sand slipped through fingers.

Maddy came out of her thoughts, looking up when she saw Josh standing up, his face twisting into a scowl as he headed into his bedroom.

Alarm and annoyance raced through her. Was he really going to do what she thought he would? Was he really going to leave them again? She was beginning to be tired of the one who everyone turned to when they needed someone to look after Zoe.

Zoe wasn't just her sister, she was Josh's sister. She was Jim and Elisabeth's daughter. Surely one of them could at least make the effort to stay behind for once?

"What are you doing?" Maddy quickly crossed the space between the kitchen counter and Josh's bedroom.

"I'm going out," Josh grabbed his jacket. Maddy was already shaking her head.

"No," Maddy stood in front of him and he stared at his sister, confused.

"What? Move out of the way, Maddy," he ordered but she shook her head.

"No, every time mom or dad is in danger, you always go out for a walk. Well, not this time. You can stay here and look after Zoe," she told him, grabbing her own jacket from the pegs next to the door. "I'm going to for a walk. Just…stay here with Zoe for once."

Josh watched as Maddy pulled on her jacket, opening the door and stepping out into the pouring rain. He opened his mouth to say something but she closed the door before he had the chance.

Maddy tighten the jacket around her before she started walking. She didn't have a destination in mind but she just needed to get away. She felt like she was being suffocated and she hated it.

She knew it was irrational to be angry at her parents for being in danger, that they didn't deliberately seek it out. It just came to them. But each time they were in danger, a part of her just slowly died. She was tired of being scared for that day they would get a knock on the door and someone telling them that her parents were gone, that they were never coming back.

A sob broke free as she clenched her eyes shut, wishing desperately that her brain would stop overthinking for once. She tightened her hands into fists, her nails cutting into her palm but she didn't let go. The pain was better than feeling the overwhelming fear and anguish.

She breathed deeply, her breath coming out shuddery as a few tears slipped free, running down her cheeks. She continued down the path, barely noticing that she was the only civilians out.

Soldiers were getting into place in-case they were attacked by Sixers, if ever they got wind that Commander Taylor was off base. She briefly wondered if Mark was part of the group that had gone to get parents before she brushed the thought aside. She didn't think she could deal with the thought of him being danger, not while she still dealing with the news of her parents.

"Maddy!" she stopped when she heard his voice. She turned around to see him running over to her, worry on his face. Rain drenched his combat outfit, plastering his hair to his head. She frowned briefly when she noticed that he wasn't in his usual soldier outfit.

"Mark," she greeted. He frowned when he noticed the redness in her eyes.

"Maddy, what are you doing out here?" he stepped forward, a hand going to her shoulder.

"Why are you not in your soldier outfit?" she answered with a question. She saw Mark bit his bottom lip, an internal battle fighting within his eyes before he sighed.

"I'm part of the security duty. I'm watching the cameras for any Sixers and Dinosaurs. That's how I knew you were out here," he explained. She nodded. "Maddy?"

"I…I need to leave," she admitted, her voice barely higher than a whisper before she looked into Mark's eyes. "I can't stay here and wait for them, I just can't." Mark licked his lips.

"Where are you going to go?" he asked. She just gave him a helpless shrug.

"I don't know," she admitted with a small sob. "I…I can't stay here, Mark. I feel like I'm being suffocated." Mark stepped closer, the hand on her shoulder sliding down her back and pulling her into an embrace. Her hands went around his waist, holding onto the back of his shirt. His other hand went to the back of her head, fingers burying themselves in the wet strands.

"Maddy…" he whispered into her hair.

"I just…I don't think I can face them when they come back, if they come back," she admitted. "I feel like a part of me dies whenever one of them is in danger and I just…I need to get away, to just go somewhere where I can breathe!"

She took in a shuddering breath, trying her best not to break down in his arms. It was tempting to do so, he had that way of making her feel safe and secure in his arms, that nothing could touch her when she was there but she couldn't break down, not now.

She needed to get away, to get her thoughts in order and as much as she cared about Mark, wanted so badly to let him in, he was a distraction that she couldn't afford right now. Plus, the way he was dressed told her that he was still working and she loathed getting him into trouble because of her.

"I'm so tired, Mark." She pulled away so she could look up into his face. "I'm just so tired of pretending that I'm not breaking, that I know everything is going to be okay because I don't! Okay? I don't know that everything will be okay and I don't want to pretend that everything is going to be okay but I have to because I can't scare Zoe!"

He stared at her for a long moment before he nodded. He stepped back a bit, untangling their arms and she felt the immediate loss of his heat and security. His hands went to his neck, pulling at the cord that held his tags.

"Here," he removed his tags. She frowned when he slipped the cord over her head, allowing them to hang between her breasts over her jacket

"What?" she held the tags in her hands before she looked at him.

"They have a locator in them. This way I can find you," he explained before pulling his radio and handed it over to her. "I'll let you know when we find your parents." He placed the radio into her jacket pocket.

"Mark…" she shook her head as he moved in closer, cupping her face and placing his forehead on her.

"Just…just don't OTG, please?" he whispered and she nodded, swallowing back the urge to ask him to come with her.

"I won't," she promised, reaching up to place a kiss on his cheek before she turned and walked away, unable to stay in the colony a moment longer.

Mark watched her go, his hands tightening into fists as he resisted the urge to go after her, to drag her back. He knew she needed to get out. He had seen it too many times, especially whenever a member of her family was in danger.

She was always the one left behind, the one who they expected to smile and keep up the façade of being happy. Just once, she needed break down and he just wished that he could hold her while she did.

TBC

This was mostly inspired by Maddy looking tired when she tells Mark that she shouldn't haven't been surprised that some of the old problems followed them to Terra Nova when it was supposed to be a fresh start. I got the impression she was talking more than the murder.

And no, the angst isn't finished, not by a long shot *runs*


	2. Chapter 2: Advice

Chapter 2: Advice

Mark Reynolds sighed, resting the back of his head against the chair as he stared blankly at the screens in front of him. He lifted a hand, scrubbing his face before leaning forward, tapping the ear piece.

"Morrison, check out sector 4," he ordered. "I saw movements."

"Roger," the tinny reply came and he watched as the soldier slowly edge his way over to the sector. His gun was held out in front of him, his finger on barrel above the trigger so if it was a friendly, there wouldn't be any unnecessary shooting.

Mark watched as Morrison kicked at the grass, taking a step back when something moved out of the grass and disappeared off the screen. Mark sighed.

"It just a bug," Morrison reported.

"Okay," Mark replied. "Head back to your station."

"Are you okay?" a female voice spoke up and he turned his head to see his partner sitting on the chair next to him.

"I'm fine, Reilly," he assured her, turning back to his screens.

"It just…since you saw Shannon on the screen and ran off, you seems more…down." Mark nodded.

"She's upset. I…I don't like seeing her upset" he admitted. Reilly stared at him for a moment longer before she shook her head, a small smile curving her lips. "What?"

"You, I never thought I'd see the day you'd be attracted to anyone," she admitted before she laughed. "Don't tell anyone but we actually thought you were gay."

"What?" he sat up in his chair, incredulously. Reilly nodded.

"You showed zero interest in female to the point the only female we've seen you in the company with was Lt. Washington. There were rumours going around."

"Thanks," he groaned, sinking back into his chair. Reilly shook her head.

"Don't worry, that rumour disappeared the moment you met Shannon. Trust me when I say everyone was stunned," she assured him before giving him a one-shoulder shrug. "I guess you were just waiting for the right one to come along." He gave her a small smile as he thought about Maddy.

"I guess I was," he softly admitted. Reilly nodded just as her radio squawked and Alicia's voice came over the radio asking for a status update. "Check their tags to see if they are close to the outpost," Mark ordered her and she nodded, bringing up the locator trackers. She quickly spotted Commander Taylor's, Lieutenant Washington's and the handful of Soldiers they ordered to come with them.

"They are two klicks away," she informed him and Mark nodded.

"They are close, bring up the camera for Outpost 4, they want reports of any dinosaurs in sight," Mark told her and she nodded, bringing up the cameras and reporting to Lt. Washington through the earpiece.

Mark turned back to his own cameras, directing a few more soldiers when he saw movements. Reilly switched out of close up view and frowned when she spotted a flashing dot near the beach. She pressed it and it brought up Mark's picture. Mark noticed the movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to see his image up on the screens.

"Is that…your tags?" Reilly asked as she stared at the red dot. Mark nodded. "Okay, explain that to me considering you are sitting right next to me." Mark sighed.

"I gave them to Maddy," he admitted. She frowned.

"Reynolds, you know…" she started and Mark nodded.

"I know, I know I'm not allowed to take them off but…she needed to get away from her home and I didn't want her out there without knowing she's safe," Mark explained as he gazed at the flashing dot.

"Her parents?" she asked and Mark nodded.

"Her parents and other things," he admitted softly, his heart hurting for the young woman he had come to care for. He hated seeing her sad and not being able to help her. Reilly bit her lower lip before she sighed.

"I won't tell anyone," she promised him. He gave her a short nod of thanks. They turned back to their jobs, relieved when they got news half an hour later telling them that the Shannon parents were safe and unharmed.

Thankfully the group had made it back to the base without any problems. Jim and Elisabeth had gone straight to their house to see their children while Taylor and Wash had dropped off the hurt scientists at the medical bay before heading over to the tower, where Mark got his next requests.

"Reynolds, can you come over to the Commander Tower?" he heard Alicia asked.

"I'm on my way," he told her, leaving the cameras in Reilly's capable hands. With quick feet, he had made his way over to the tower, climbing the stairs and knocking on the door.

"Permission granted," he heard Taylor say and he opened the door, walking in.

"You wanted to see me," he told them. Taylor nodded as he gestured for the young man to enter the room. Mark did, closing the door behind before standing in front of the desk.

"I assume everything went smoothly without us being here," Taylor told Mark, who nodded.

"Yes Sir, no Sixers or Dinosaurs came near Terra Nova," he reported and Taylor gave him a pleased smile.

"Good job, Soldier," he commended. Mark just gave him a short nod, his hands behind his back. Alicia was about to say something when Taylor's retriever went off. He picked it up. "Taylor here," he stepped away from the two of them before frowning. "Are you sure?" he waited for a few moments and nodded. "Ok, I'll get my men on it." He stared at the retriever for a few moments. "Hm," Taylor placed the retriever down.

"Sir, is there a problem?" Alicia asked as she looked at the Commander.

"Jim just told me that his daughter is missing, apparently she hasn't come home yet," Taylor told Alicia, who frowned and turned to look at Mark.

"Do you know where she is?" Alicia asked. Mark looked at her and she arched an eyebrow. "You've been on camera watch and you're not freaking out. That implies you know where she is." Mark bit his bottom lip.

"Son, if you know where she is, then you need to tell us. It's dangerous to be out there alone."

"She's not OTG, she promised me," Mark quickly assured them.

"That's good but that doesn't tell us where she is," Taylor pointed out. Mark sighed.

"She's at the beach," Mark told them.

"How do you know that?" Alicia asked, her brown eyes narrowing in suspicion as she stared at the young man. "There are no cameras at the beach." Mark hesitated.

"Reynolds?" Taylor asked.

"I gave her my tags, sir," Mark explained. Taylor arched an eyebrow before he looked at Alicia, whose expression didn't change.

"You do realise the trouble you can get into for not having your tags on you, right?" Taylor asked.

"Yes, Sir," Mark nodded.

"And you still gave them to Shannon, a civilian?" Alicia asked, stepping forward as she crossed her arms.

"I…I couldn't let her go out without me knowing where she was," Mark softly admitted. "I know that I shouldn't have taken them off or that I should have ordered her to go back to her home but…"

"But what?" prompted Taylor as he stepped forward, his arms crossing over his chest as he stared at his soldier.

"She said she needed to get away," Mark told them. "She told me she was tired of pretending that everything was alright when she didn't know if it was alright." His voice was hoarse with emotions as he remembered the despair in her brown eyes. "I couldn't make her go back home knowing she was close to losing her grip on her emotions."

"Why not take her to your place?" Alicia asked and Mark flushed.

"She said she needed to get away from the colony, that she felt she was being suffocated," he explained and Alicia sighed as she looked at Taylor, who nodded and looked at Mark.

"You'd best come with us to let her parents know." Mark nodded.

"And you best hope Shannon doesn't have his gun on him," Alicia warned him. Mark winced as he followed them out of the base.

They reached the Shannon's house in no-time, Taylor knocking on the door. Jim Shannon answered it with a hopeful expression before it dimmed when he saw who was at the door.

"Come in," he stood back, granting them access.

"Do you know where Maddy is?" Elisabeth asked the moment they entered the house. Her brown eyes were a mixture of fatigue and fear.

"Miss Shannon has gone for a walk," Taylor started, looking as Josh stood next to his mother. He noticed that the youngest member of the Shannon family was missing and assumed she was in her bed; it was quite late after all.

"Is she…?" Josh trailed off and Alicia shook her head.

"Reynolds assures us that Maddy had promised him that she wouldn't go OTG, she's still within the Colony," she spoke up. Mark noticed the family eyes shifting to him.

"It looks Reynolds was the last one to see her," Taylor told them, holding his hands up, trying to stop the flood of questions that would undoubtedly come.

"Where is she?" Jim asked, stepping closer to Mark.

"She's safe," Mark replied. Jim's blue eyes harden as he took a step closer to the soldier.

"She's my daughter," Jim gritted out, his jaw clenching when he saw Mark stare right back. "I demand that you tell me where she is."

"I'm afraid I can't do that, sir," Mark respectfully declined. "Maddy said she needed the break."

"Break from what?" Josh asked as he stood next to his father, glaring at Mark. "She's my sister, our family. Who are you to tell us what she wants?"

"Someone she confides in," Mark told them angrily. Alicia placed a hand on his shoulder to calm him. "I'm sorry." He stepped back from Jim and Josh.

"Are you telling me that my daughter prefers to confide in you than talk to us?" Jim asked.

"We are here for her, why won't she come to us?" Josh asked.

"Probably because you're never there?" asked Mark, stepping forward, ignoring the grip that tightened on his shoulder.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Josh snipped.

"How about helping her out with Zoe every now and then?" Mark shot back, his fears and frustration for Maddy taking over.

"Reynolds," Taylor cautiously warned. Mark tightened his lips, taking a step back once more and lowering his eyes to the ground.

"What did you mean?" Elisabeth asked as she stepped closer to the man who had captured her daughter's heart. Mark just stared stubbornly at the ground. She placed a hand on his arm and he looked up to see those dark eyes, ones that Maddy had inherited, pleading with him and he sighed.

"Maddy…Maddy is tired. She once told me that she sometimes felt like she was Zoe's mother," Mark softly admitted. "She told me that she was usually the one to look after her when Mr Shannon was taken away to jail and you were working. That Josh preferred to hang out with his friends."

The parents and Josh shared a look before they looked at Mark once more. "She…she said she needed to get away because she didn't think she could face you when you came home, if you came home," he told them. Jim swallowed; stumbling back slightly like Mark had physically punched him.

"She didn't think we would come home?" Elisabeth asked and Mark sighed, his eyes going to the ceiling, trying to arrange his thoughts before he looked at Elisabeth.

"She's scared that one day, you're not going to come home. She still holds fears that one of you will be taken away from her again, just like Mr Shannon was when you were in 2149. She knows that it is a possibility but she's just doesn't want it to be too soon, not now that she has all of you back. Terra Nova was supposed to be a fresh start," he explained, almost pleading with Elisabeth to understand her daughter.

"But…Zoe…" Josh started and Mark looked at him with sad eyes.

"She doesn't think it's fair that she is the only one who looks after Zoe. Zoe needs all of you, it just seems like you're too busy with work to acknowledge that," he whispered.

"Oh Maddy," Elisabeth moaned, sitting down on the couch. Josh placed a hand on his mother's shoulder while Jim clenched his hands into fists, wishing his baby girl was nearby so he could comfort her.

"I knew," Zoe whispered from her spot at the bedroom door and they turned to face her. "I knew that Maddy tried to keep me from being scared." She was dressed in a pair of pyjamas with a stuffed dinosaur clutched to her chest.

"Zoe," Elisabeth whispered, her heart breaking in her voice.

"I tried my hardest to cheer her up whenever someone was missing," she whispered sadly, looking toward her feet. Mark moved toward Zoe, kneeling down in front of the girl. He placed the curve of his index finger under her chin, lifting her face so their eyes could meet.

"Zoe, Maddy loves you," Mark assured her. "Sometimes…she just…"

"Need to cry?" Zoe asked and Mark's lips curled up in a sad smile.

"Yeah, sometimes she just needs to cry," he agreed. "But that doesn't stop her from loving you, alright? She likes being here to play with you, to look after you. Don't ever think that she doesn't, okay?"

"Okay," Zoe whispered before she flung her arms around Mark's neck, pressing her small body against his chest. "Do you think she'll like it if I made her a picture?" Mark chuckled, hugging the girl back.

"I think she'd love it if you did," Mark assured her. Zoe pulled away and looked straight into Mark's blue eyes.

"Are you going to get her?" she asked. Mark bit his bottom lip.

"I'll get her," Alicia spoke up and everyone looked at her. "I'll get her," she repeated before she looked at Mark. "And we're going to have a talk." He nodded, understanding.

~_A_~

Alicia sighed with relief when she spotted Maddy Shannon sitting on the edge of the cliff, her head buried into her knees. She watched her for a moment before taking a step forward.

"Maddy," she gently called out. Maddy lifted her head and turned to see Alicia heading toward her.

"Lt. Washington," she greeted softly, confusion lining her face. Alicia smiled as she sat down next to Maddy. "How...?"

"I took a guess. The others think you are at the beach because that's where the locator indicates you are." Alicia told the younger woman as she turned her head to look at the tear-stained face. "I come out here sometimes when I need a break…or to scream."

"…Scream?" Maddy whispered as she turned to look at the ocean and Alicia nodded, doing the same.

"No-one from the colony can hear you here which make this place perfect to scream your frustration or your anger or your fear out," she explained.

"Speaking from experience?" Maddy whispered and Alicia nodded.

"I get scared whenever Taylor goes OTG, or even when Mark does. When they come home and I know they are safe and alive, I come out here and just scream. It's better to let it out than it is to keep in. It eventually eats away at you if you keep it in."

"How do you deal with knowing that they are in danger and there is nothing you can do?" Maddy asked. "How do you keep your cool, stay calm?"

"You assure yourself that they will come home. That they can take care of themselves and that they have a reason to make it back alive, no matter what." Maddy sighed. "Your parents are home," Alicia told her and Maddy nodded.

"I know," surprise flashed over the older woman's face. "Mark gave me his radio before I left. He told me that he would let me know what happened to my parents."

Alicia gave an amused chuckle, shaking her head.

"Boy thought of everything," she murmured mostly to herself, impressed before she looked at Maddy. "That boy willingly faced your father down when he demanded Mark to tell him where you were. All he said that you were safe." Maddy bit her lip.

"And I get the feeling that didn't go down well with dad," Maddy said, feeling guilty that she had caused her father to be even more annoyed with Mark, especially after she had tried so hard to get her dad to accept Mark as a part of her life.

"No, it didn't. Your brother jumped in and he kinda lost his temper with Josh," Alicia admitted. "Your mother pleaded him to know what he meant and he told her," she held up her hands to stop Maddy from talking. "That you felt tired and that you were worried because Zoe needed your parents and your brother, not just you."

Maddy stared at her for a moment before she sighed, turning back to look at the ocean once more.

"Am I selfish?" Maddy whispered. "I know my father loves his job and I could never ask my mother to stop being a doctor, especially when she's so good but am I selfish for wishing that maybe they just wouldn't be in danger for once?" Alicia sighed, slipping an arm over the younger woman's shoulders.

"No, you're not," she shifted closer so their sides were pressed up, pulling the girl into a sideway hug. "It's natural to want to keep your family safe."

"I don't know how to tell them" she admitted. "Ever since we got Dad back, after Josh stopped being an idiot over dad going to jail, they all just acted like we could go back to normal but I can't do that. We lost him for two years; I spent those years thinking I would never get to see him again."

"Maddy," Alicia felt her heart hurt for the young woman.

"And now we have a chance to be a family, for Zoe to be free, not hidden like she used to be, it feels like we're going back to how it used to be. I'm the one who has to look after Zoe while everyone else get put in danger. It…it feels like they are not thinking of us when they are in danger. What would happen to us if something were to happen to them?" Tears came out faster. "I can't lose them, any of them. As much as I want to lock them up in a room so they would be safe, I can't do that to them because it means taking part of who they are, what makes them my parents." She hiccupped, trying to stop her tears.

"I do the same with Mark," Alicia confessed, tightening her grip on Maddy, comforting her. "I know Mark wants to move up the rank, to get more experience but the thought of sending him out there where he can get killed…it terrifies me and it takes everything within me not to sabotage his requests because I know it's not fair to him."

"How do you deal with that? Knowing that if you were to let him go, he could be killed?" Maddy asked.

"Because I need to have faith in him," Alicia told her with a soft smile. "I need to believe that he will not give up so easily, that he will fight to come back to us." Maddy nodded before she sighed.

"He told me that he suspects you wanting to sabotage his requests. That sometimes it takes longer to process but in the end, it gets process and he knows that's because you allowed yourself to trust and believe in him to come back alive," Maddy told her with a smile. "It makes him respect you more than you know and he understands; he hates it whenever you go OTG without him because he wants to be there to protect you even though he knows you can protect yourself better."

Alicia laughed, tears filling her own eyes at the thought of Mark wanting to protect her. She had always been proud that she could take care of herself but knowing that Mark wanted to protect her sent warm feelings through her. At least she wasn't alone in wanting to protect him.

"Just to let you know, Mark will be in trouble for giving you his tags," Alicia told her. Maddy looked at her, worry clear in her brown eyes. "We gave strict orders that they are not allowed to remove their tags in-case they are disfigured when they are dead. This allows us to know which one is who. Or if one of them has an allergy attack or going into surgery, the doctors needs those tags for medical purpose. For Mark to give you his tags…well…"

"He gave them to me because he didn't want me to be alone. He said that by having the tags, he would be able to keep an eye on me," Maddy explained, trying to lessen Mark's punishment. "It's my fault, I should have just gone home." She looked down at her knees. Alicia sighed.

"Check his tags," Alicia suggested. Maddy frowned, picking up the tags. She switched it on only to see a picture of her and Zoe. She stared at it, unsure where Mark had gotten the picture. It was of her and Zoe planting the flowers in their back garden, both of them were smiling brightly. She looked up at Alicia, who smiled. "He asked your mother for the photo. He said that it reminded him that no matter how bad a day got, all he had to do was look at this picture and he would feel better, if you two were happy, then there was still joy left in the day."

Maddy felt tears of happiness fill up her eyes as she looked back at the picture. Alicia leaned over; swiping at the picture to reveal another one and this time it was just Maddy by herself. She was sitting on the couch curled up with a data-pad in her hands, intently reading with a small smile on her face.

"And he got this from your father. He says that this reminds him that he's got you to come home to. It doesn't matter how long he is gone or how tough the mission is. As long as you're here for him, he would do everything in his power to come back to you alive."

"He did?" she whispered, a wobbly smile coming to her face and Alicia nodded.

"He told me that you felt tired long before this happened. We had a talk after Foster's funeral and he told me that you looked so tired, that it felt like you were talking more than the problems of murder," she explained before she shrugged. "He didn't know what it was…until tonight."

"…It scares me that he knows me better than most people," Maddy admitted. "We've only known each other for a short time yet he gets me better than anyone else, even my own parents."

"And you get him," Alicia gently said. "He feels that you know him better than anyone else. You're not alone when it comes to being scared by those feelings but it's natural." She tightened her grip on Maddy, giving her a comforting hug. "You can direct the blame to yourself but Mark willingly gave his tags to you because he knew that you needed the space. By having his tags, it was your way of accepting him looking out for you even when he was working." Maddy nodded at the knowing look on Alicia's face. "And it's my turn to bring you home to him," she told her before she held up a finger. "But first…you need to do something."

"What?" Maddy asked, curious and Alicia gestured to the air in front of them.

"Go ahead, scream. There are no-one else but me, you and dinosaurs around," Alicia encouraged. Maddy took a deep breath, looking toward the ocean before she screamed.

Soon she was laughing as tears fell free, trailing down her cheeks once more as she looked at Alicia, who was grinning broadly. "Feel better?" Alicia asked and Maddy nodded, smiling as she used her sleeves to wipe away her tears.

"Loads," she admitted. Alicia chuckled.

"Come on, let's go home," Alicia tightened her grip on Maddy's shoulders. "Preferably before Mark gets an idea into his head to steal a rover and come after us." Maddy let out a soft laugh, agreeing as both women stood up.

Alicia headed toward the rover with Maddy following her before she stopped, needing to say this before she lost her nerves.

"Alicia…" she turned to look at the younger woman. "Thank you, I'm glad you're the one who came to find me." Alicia just gave her a short nod, waiting for Maddy to catch up before they made their way over to the rover.

It was time to go home.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3: Family

Chapter 3: Family

Maddy stared at the door apprehensively before she looked at Alicia, who was standing next to her. The older woman looked at her before she steeled herself.

"It's best to get it over and done with," she told Maddy, who nodded. "Remember, they love you." Maddy gave her a small smile. Alicia placed a hand on her shoulders, squeezing it gently.

Maddy opened the door, stepping into the house with Alicia following her. Alicia closed the door gently behind her, not wanting to startle anyone.

Maddy took in her surroundings; Jim and Elisabeth were in an embrace in the kitchen, Jim talking in a low voice to his wife, who clung to him. Josh was pacing the hallway while Taylor was sitting on the couch next to the kitchen. On the other couch across from him were Mark and Zoe.

Zoe was curled up in Mark's arms, dozing while he gently stroked her hair, his eyes looking off into space.

Feeling eyes on him, Mark turned his head and his blue eyes locked with her brown ones. Relief filled them, making them bluer and he smiled.

"Maddy," he said softly, startling everyone as they turned to see Maddy standing in the hallway looking lost.

"Hi," she greeted softly. There was silence for a moment before Elisabeth let out a choked sob, breaking free from her husband's embrace and wrapping her daughter up in her arms. Jim came up behind Elisabeth, his arms sliding around his wife and daughter. Josh came up behind Maddy, wrapping his arms around her waist. "I'm sorry," Maddy whispered.

"It's okay, sweetie." Elisabeth pulled back, her hands going to her daughter's cheek. "Just…talk to us? Please sweetie? I don't want to come back to find you gone like this again. You scared us." Maddy nodded before Elisabeth enveloped her in another hug.

"I'm sorry," Josh whispered into his sister's ears. She turned her head to look at him. "I promise I'll help you out with Zoe from now on. She's my sister as well and I shouldn't have gotten too caught up." She just gave him a smile as he kissed the side of her head, burying his face into her hair.

"I'm sorry too," Jim spoke up, his voice hoarse and Maddy looked up at him. "I should have never assumed that you were okay with me going to jail then coming back into your life like that."

"Daddy," Maddy shook her head as Elisabeth and Josh pulled away from them.

"You never showed any resentment that I just thought…"

"Dad," she cupped his cheeks, stopping him and he looked at her. "I could never blame you for going to jail. You were trying to protect Zoe. I would have done the same." Jim chuckled as a brief smile crossed his daughter's face. "Daddy, I missed you," Maddy admitted as tears slipped down her cheeks. "I really thought I wasn't going to get to see you again."

"Sh," Jim wrapped his daughter up in his arms. She clung to the back of his shirt.

"That's why I worry about you and mom being in danger. I just got you back and I don't think I could bear it if I lost you again."

"Maddy," Jim pulled away so he could look his daughter in the eye. "I'm never going to leave you or your brother or Zoe or your mother again. I will do everything in my power to come back to you. I promise you." She nodded. "Next time, tell us," Jim cupped his daughter's cheeks. "Don't hide it from us. It hurts us more to know you have a fake smile on than a real one. All we ever wanted was you to be happy, all three of you." Jim looked at Josh as well before his eyes slipped over to where Zoe was still slumbering in Mark's arms before he looked down at his eldest daughter. "And I promise that we'll start helping out more with Zoe. You're right; she does need all of us."

"I love you, dad," Maddy told him with a bright smile. Jim smiled back, pleased to see the happiness in his daughter's eyes.

"I love you too," he pulled her back into his embrace before looking at Elisabeth, who was beaming as she and Josh held each other in a sideway hug. Alicia and Taylor were standing near the door. Taylor had a small smile on his face while Alicia's eyes looked suspiciously wet.

"You know, we're kinda missing someone," Josh spoke up and they looked toward him before following his line of sight as he looked toward Mark, who was still cradling the sleeping Zoe.

Mark just gave them a smile of amusement, looking down at the sleeping girl.

"Hey, Zoe," Mark gently shook Zoe awake. She came to, mumbling his name before she looked up at him.

"Yeah?" she yawned and Mark grinned, looking over to where Maddy was. Zoe's eyes followed his before she saw Maddy and a bright smile lit up Zoe's face.

"Maddy!" Zoe cried, slipping out of Mark's arms and running across the room. Maddy smiled as she knelt down, opening her arms for her sibling to enter them. Zoe entered them with enough force to almost topple Maddy but she just laughed as she regained her balance. "I missed you."

"Sorry for scaring you," Maddy told her sister, hugging her tightly. Zoe shook her head as she pulled back, one hand reaching over to the table where she grabbed the paper.

"I drew you a picture," Zoe told her, handing her the paper. Maddy took it to see it was a picture of her playing with Zoe and Mark. Jim and Elisabeth were holding hands while Josh was sitting on the ground playing his guitar.

"I love it," Maddy told Zoe with a bright smile. Zoe gave her a smile back before her features turned solemn.

"Do you feel better?" she asked. Maddy's smile slipped a little. "Mark said you were tired and that you needed to cry." Maddy glanced at her Mark over Zoe's head before she looked at Zoe with a smile and she nodded.

"I feel much better, thank you," Maddy assured her, kissing Zoe on the forehead. Zoe nodded before she let out a big yawn and Maddy chuckled, "Looks like someone is still tired." She stood up.

"Bedtime for you, angel," Jim stepped closer, eyeing his youngest daughter before looking at his watch and his eyes went wide. "You're never up this late!" Zoe giggled at her father dramatics.

"On that note, we should leave," Taylor spoke up, looking at Alicia, who nodded in agreement.

"Yes, come along Mark," she looked over to where Mark got up from the couch and he walked over to them. Maddy opened her mouth to say something but someone else had gotten there first.

"Can Mark tuck me in?" Zoe piped up and everyone looked down at the youngest member as she looked up at them with a hopeful expression. Alicia looked away with a smirk playing on her lips when she saw Mark crumble under the pleading gaze of Zoe's.

"Fine," Jim groaned and Zoe beamed as she turned to Mark, her arms lifted up in a silent plea to be lifted. Mark lifted her up before heading over to the bedroom.

"I'll go with him, I need to talk to him," Maddy told them and they nodded as Maddy followed Mark, closing the door behind her and shutting out the rest of the group to anything private.

She turned around to see Mark helping Zoe into her bed. Zoe gave him a sleepy smile as he tucked the covers around her.

Mark turned around only to falter when he saw Maddy standing there with a small smile.

"You are really good with her," she moved closer to him, looking down at her sleeping sister before she looked up at him.

"I'm sorry," he told her. Her smile faded, her expression turning confused. "I shouldn't have told them." Maddy shook her head. She moved in closer, sliding her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a hug.

Mark was still for a moment before he wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her close to him. He buried his face into the side of her neck, the damp hair brushing against his cheek.

"Thank you," Maddy whispered as she pulled away to look into Mark's eyes, "For trusting me." Mark frowned. "I know it was hard to let me walk away. I wanted to ask you to come with me but it was something I needed to do by myself." He let out a soft laugh.

"I was tempted to drag you back to your house," he admitted and she giggled, nodding before it gave way to seriousness.

"And I'm not angry you told my parents," she told him. He stared at her and she bit her bottom lip. "I think it actually got through to them better than I would have. Because you were the one to tell them, not me which indicates how strongly I feel about it."

"Really?" he asked, wanting to make sure and she nodded. "At least you're not mad at me about it. I'm not so sure about your father." Maddy smiled as she dropped her arms, letting her hands rest on his arms.

"Alicia told me that you refused to tell them where I was. I think he was mostly angry that you were the one who knew, not him. When I was younger and I wanted to hide away, I had this secret place in our house. Dad was the only one who could find me and he just knew what I was upset about. For you to know and not him, I think he must have felt that you were replacing him."

Mark nodded; it made sense to him, especially when he remembered the flash of heartbreak and despair in the father's eyes when he had refused to let him know where Maddy was.

"Your parents were worried about you, it was strange," Mark admitted. "Mostly it's you I see that is worried about someone so seeing your parents that worried…they really do love you." Maddy just smiled before she remembered something.

"Oh," she lifted her hands up, grabbing the cord that held his tags. "Here," she removed the tags and dropped them into Mark's hand. He immediately pulled it over his head, slipping them under the collar of his shirt. "Alicia told me that you're going to get into trouble for giving them to me." His eyes widen. He bit his bottom lip before licking it.

"Maddy…" she shook her head, giving him a small smile.

"I understand why you gave them to me," she assured him before the smile faded and she gazed at him sternly. "But if you ever do that again when you're working, I'll kick your ass." Mark stared at her for a long moment before he grinned.

"Alright, I promise," he assured her and she smiled, giving him a nod. "Are you sure you're alright?" She nodded and Mark could see the difference in her, she looked lighter than she did before.

"Yeah, it was nice to talk to someone who understood what I was feeling," she admitted with a disbelieving smile before she shrugged. "And I feel I understand your job a bit better."

"Yeah?" he asked with a smile and she nodded.

"I'm always going to worry about you, my mom and my dad but knowing that you will do everything it takes to get home in one piece, that gives me a piece of mind. Alicia says you need to have faith so I think I can do that," she told him with a smile.

"And maybe the next time you won't go out in the rain?" he asked, tugging gently on her damp hair. "You are gonna get ill." She giggled, rolling her eyes.

"Just don't get in danger in the rain and I won't need to go and cry in the rain," she told him. Mark nodded.

"I think I can try and do that," he said and she smiled. "So…how about a date?" he asked. "Just the two of us so you can relax." She smiled.

"That'd be nice, let just go somewhere where problems can't follow us," she told him before peering at him hopefully. "How about OTG, since I'm not allowed to go there without you…" Mark narrowed his eyes playfully at the young woman before him.

"I'll think about it," he promised her and she nodded before there was a knock at the door. They turned to see the door sliding open and Alicia standing there with a knowing look on her face.

"We really should be leaving. Most of us have to get in whatever sleep we have left as we have an early morning," she told them. They nodded as they separated and made their way into the living room where Taylor was talking to Jim in low tones. Taylor was smiling, amused while Jim just seemed pleased before both men shook hands.

They turned when they heard footsteps and Taylor nodded to Mark.

"Are you ready to leave?" he asked and Mark nodded before turning to Maddy.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" he asked and she nodded, giving him a bright smile before she pushed herself onto her tip-toes, kissing him on the cheek.

"See you tomorrow," she assured him, both of them blushing lightly. Alicia snickered before she grabbed the back of Mark's collar.

"Come on lover-boy. You can be back on the love-train tomorrow," she gently pushed him out of the door, giving Maddy a wink before waving to Jim, Elisabeth and Josh. Taylor just chuckled as he came to a stop in front of Maddy.

"I'm glad you're safe, Miss Shannon," he told her.

"Thank you for bringing my parents back, Commander Taylor," she told him with a smile. He just tipped his head before giving the family a short wave and followed his second-in-command and her subordinate.

Maddy closed the door behind them before she turned to face her family only to be enveloped in her mother's arms once more. "I love you, mom," she whispered, hugging the older woman. Elisabeth just smiled as she pulled away so she could look into her daughter's face, one hand coming up to stroke Maddy's cheek.

"I love you too, sweetie, and I am really sorry for scaring you tonight. I promise things will change from now on," she assured her daughter, who just nodded. Elisabeth's hand went to her daughter's hair and frowned in concern. "But first thing first, you need a hot shower before you catch a cold." Maddy giggled, hugging her mother again.

~_F_~

"So, what punishment should we give him?" Taylor asked as looked at his Second-in-Command, who shrugged. Mark Reynolds was currently in the middle between them with his head hung low.

"I guess we could always make him go on the expeditions with the scientists, to babysit them," Alicia suggested and got a wince from the young man.

"Hm, that means going OTG. He could consider that as a reward," Taylor pointed out, stroking his chin but Alicia shook her head.

"Not if it keeps him away from Miss Shannon, which I know he won't want to do for the next few days," Alicia pointed out and Mark looked at his boss with a look of horror.

"Ah, I can see the attraction in that suggestion," Taylor agreed and Mark looked at him with the same horror. "I'm sure Jim Shannon would like that." Mark winced even harder.

"Or maybe we should assign him to an outpost for the next few weeks?" Alicia offered up and got a groan from Mark. She chuckled as Taylor reached out, patting Mark's shoulder in comfort, watching as the young man turned to their commander.

"We're not going to punish you," he told him. Mark's pained look turned to one of shock as they reached his house. All three of them came to a stop as Taylor turned to face Mark with a hard look. "But if you ever give anyone your tags again when you're working, I will guarantee that you will be put in the brig then assigned to the furthest outpost there is." Mark nodded, getting the message and Taylor smiled.

He looked at Alicia, giving her a nod too. "I'll be heading back to the command base. I shall see in all in a few hours." He left them alone knowing that Alicia needed to talk to Mark.

"Is he serious?" Mark asked as he led the way up to his house. "I mean about me not getting punished?" Alicia nodded.

"He understands why you did it," Alicia assured him before she narrowed her eyes at the young man before him as they entered his house, standing his hallway. "But don't think that will get you off the hook with me. For giving your tags away…I'm making you take over the training class in my place."

Mark groaned, his head falling back as a wry smile crossed his lips before he looked at Alicia and nodded.

"Okay, I'll take them," he told her and she nodded before crossing her arms.

"I don't know if I should smack you over the head for being an idiot or to hug you for being a good boyfriend to Maddy," she informed him. Mark just stared at her. "So, I'm going to do both." She slapped Mark up the back of his head, getting an 'Ow!' from him as he rubbed the back of his head only to be envelope in a hard hug. "You are an idiot," she told him as she back away before smirking. "But then again, you're an idiot in love." Mark stammered and Alicia arched an eyebrow in amusement. "Mark, you gave her your tags. If that doesn't speak of strong feelings, I don't know what does."

"It scares me," he blurted out and Alicia looked at him. "How much I really care for her. I want to protect her and seeing her upset just tears out my heart." She gave him a fond smile.

"She feels the same," Alicia told him as she backed out the door.

"How do you know?" Mark asked and Alicia smirked as she turned around.

"Look at your tags," she ordered him, giving him a backhand wave as she walked away. Mark watched her go with a confused frown. He closed his door, turning around and resting his back against the metal.

He picked up his tags and switched it on, frowning when he saw the familiar picture of Maddy and Zoe. He flicked his fingers and it switched to Maddy. One more flick and his jaw dropped, his eyes widening in shock before a bright smile crossed his face.

On the screen was Maddy and Alicia in a sideway hug, smiling brightly into the camera. There were tear tracks on Maddy's cheeks and Alicia's eyes were slight wet which told him that they had taken the photo sometimes tonight.

His finger went to Maddy's cheek as he remembered her words about faith and he promised that he would never do anything to destroy that faith in her. After all, they were his two reasons to make it back home every night.

The End

I ended the angst with a semi-fluffy chapter, hoped this appealed to everyone…

Back to my one-shots! Got a whole list of them that I feel like Fanfiction Santa Claus!


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